Last week just before people arrived for our kitchen table craft morning (Sept.30th), I sliced my hand on a tin can whilst emptying the recycling bin. Immediately after the incision, I could feel the blood drain from my face and promptly fainted onto the couch - luckily. For the rest of the day, the wound kept opening (it still hasn't fully healed) and every so often I'd get dizzy and need to sit down. I've fainted before but never at the sight of blood or over a cut, so for most of the week I've been thinking about the significance of it in relation to the news about the excavation which emerged only hours later.
This project 'Tuam Spirit Babies' is about unearthing the truth and recognising past wrongs and the entire process for me is about trying to find the healing within it. In many ways there's been a parallel aspect in my own life and more often than not, a reflection back when the mirror of truth is held up for scrutiny. Every time some new view point surfaces for consideration I've also tried to see the relevance in my own life. How can one change? Change the ugly things still lurking? Or at the very least, accept them. It's not easy. There are many shadowy traits hidden that we'd rather keep locked away.
Are we prepared to allow them to be uncovered for examination???
It's very, very scary!
One of the things I've found horrific and have always shied away from, just because I couldn't cope within myself, is the aspect of child sex abuse and all the other terrible abuses that were inflicted on people in the institutions. It took me a long, long, time to embrace this project because I knew it was the ugliest thing I personally, have to look at and quite frankly, I didn't want to go there. For years I turned away from the news, left the room or turned off the radio because I couldn't cope with hearing about it all, but somehow the terrible thing that happened in Tuam, sat with me and resonated so much over a period of time (it just wouldn't go away) that I finally had to take notice and do something about it. I wasn't sexually abused as a child but it could well have been a thing I'm connecting to though my ancestors (whom I know little about).
It's the very issue I find so abhorrent and difficult to understand.How and why do people do this heinous thing?
It's a hugely complex subject, one which has many strands of thought and reason behind it but perhaps during this process of actively seeking, can we/can I put ourselves/myself in the place of the perpetrator?
When were we the perpetrator?
And somehow find the compassion to dare I say it...forgive?
It's a work in progress.
I've met many survivors.
I've met many, many people during the past few months, but I've yet to meet someone who did these things to children, but just like everyone else, they too deserve a compassionate hearing and support to help them heal.
On some energetic level last week, I cut my hand before the ground was opened up and maybe fear crept in too. The fear of opening up about myself (I don't like to reveal too much and I, like a lot of people, put on the layers of self protection). More often than not though, the very things we keep to ourselves are the very things that will actually connect us to others because it gives permission for us all to have flaws, yet amongst them, we can continue or begin to LOVE someone else despite them. I have an english accent (that represents the oppressor in some people's minds, I'm mixed race and with that comes a lot of baggage too; mixed race children were treated so badly in the institutions). I am flawed beyond belief, can you find it in your heart to LOVE me? A strange question to ask but if we can find the compassion in our hearts for each other then perhaps it could go as far as the perpetrators too. I've met a good few survivors at this stage (more on this again) there's no anger or bitterness amongst them, only perhaps sadness for the mothers and families they never knew. We can learn so much from that attitude.
As you can see, it's a case of 'healer heal thyself.'
All these buried truths are finally coming to the surface (2016 has the vibration of Truth about it) and with them come revelations which we all have to face; be it about what's hidden in Tuam (burial mound) or what we ourselves continue to bury. The only way to progress is to confront our fears and keep asking questions about why we're fearful over a particular issue and what it is we need to bring to the surface for examination. For example: If something you hear scares you, ask your higher self why? and wait for an answer. It might not come straight away but by asking, you're in a state of preparation and that in itself is huge. Keep asking the questions to find out the truth behind the fear and keep looking at what needs to come from the depths for observation.
That's what I'm doing anyway.
Lots of love Xx#Tuamspiritbabies